My First Break up

I never thought my first break up would be like this. The first time truly being rejected by someone that means something to me. It stings. It’s like recovering from an injury or at least that's the most comparable thing I can think of right now. The moment of impact itself happens so fast that you don’t see it coming. Maybe your body was having some aches and pains beforehand that could be pointing in the direction of catastrophe, but bad news is something we’re never prepared for. Then it happens. Maybe you already had a hunch or maybe it's like a slap at the back of the head, there was no way to see it coming. Either way all of a sudden, it’s there right and front of you and the only choice you have now is to take it on.

Initially in the beginning it's ironically almost as if you have more hope, more faith in yourself to be able to handle the situation. You still have the confidence built from that relationship to be secure in yourself, have a guide or a road map to life that you and this person have agreed to make sense. So although it's hard from the beginning, it feels like something that is overcome-able, feels like something you can take on strong and securely.

But then you start to realize the way it fills up your mind. It's like a spider spinning its web throughout your brain, itching and scratching at a new little part every time you think you may have cleared out most of the webs. At some points it’s manageable, many even sometimes as if its not even there. But then it pokes back in again, weaving a new intricate portion of a memory to replay over and over again. The thoughts begin to cross your mind so often it becomes hard to remember what the true reality of the memory versus the memory is that your mind has now reconstructed to fit in whatever new frame that is you're thinking in.

And it’s like a slow recovery. Because although time is passing and time is healing, it is a slow process. And it is not until months into the process that although you've made improvements, mentally you're exhausted. The guilt, sadness, shame, anger, has taken its toll and it's not over yet. And although all those emotions are part of the process one must go through, at a certain point they no longer are serving their purpose. This is when the new challenge awaits ahead, where we need to find strength to move on and grow from the situation.